June 2008
2 posts
Wordpress.
Yes. I did it. http://jerkethic.wordpress.com/
My Desire To Be A Milkman? Ironic.
Lil’ Kim says, “Send a bitch a kite.” I say, “I like email.” — ainsleydrew@gmail.com...
May 2008
9 posts
Knuckle Down, Knuckle Up
[Write me a letter: AinsleyDrew at gee male dot calm] The influx of work has once again slowed to a trickle, which means that it’s back to verbal bloodsport for me and my other hand. Keywords and phrases of recent arguments: entitlement, worry, melodramatic, I’m going to/why don’t you just move back to New York, really?!, you act like the sky is falling, and the tried-but-true fuck. I should do...
New And Inventive Ways To Look For Clients
(Another list. How productive of me.) Because my dancing skills aren’t getting any better and my naked body still resembles a stunted prepubescent boy after trying out for the swim team, and because I realize how close we are yet again to splitting a can of refried beans as a meal, I present my latest attempt at getting work: New And Inventive Ways I’m Going To Look For Clients. Another blog post...
A List Of Herded Cats
I’ve been more negligent than I had planned to be with Jerk Ethic in the past week, which I suppose is a fairly dull and predictable disclaimer for a recreational blogger. Next time I’ll come up with something interesting like, “Oh, I’ve been fighting a ton of crime ever since I mastered Jujitsu. I swear, once I get this mugger out of a headlock I’ll post more often.” Nothing that sexy. We’ve...
Sweatin' to the Oldies, like in the "Closer"...
My current love/work arrangement can best be described as “like Richard Simmons and Trent Reznor trying to compete in a three-legged-race.”
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is
I’d like to thank Gawker for putting my Twitter page up under “Twelve People Worth Actually Following On Twitter.” I don’t know if I deserve it, but I appreciate it immensely. Hopefully it will result in some form of work. It feels really nice to be recognized. Almost as nice as a full stomach....
Please Don't Count On A Discount
Gimme my money! I disclaim by saying that the client I’m referencing in this post seems like a pretty nice guy. He makes eye-contact, speaks slowly, and up until I turned in the final work he was pretty attentive when it came to being in touch. I don’t know if he’s ever worked as a freelance writer in a new town with an unidentifiable fishnet stocking fetishist ejaculating into his clothes. I’m...
Mayday, Payday
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” Wall Street I’m lucky enough that I can say first-hand that it’s true, if you do what you love you’ll never have to work a day in your life. Stick me in front of any old word processing program, notebook, whiteboard, paper napkin and give me something to write with, I’m happy. More than happy, I’m at ease more...
Skin Flicks, Vol. 2
A flick of the wrist… So I haven’t updated this blog in a few days longer than my usual dalliance, I know, and I’m sorry if anybody is reading this regularly. In the future I’ll try my damnedest to keep it more regular. At least I have a good excuse, and not that I was camping out for an Ugly Casanova show or got a bad haircut. When I first moved to Portland I lived with my boyfriend, another...
Skin Flicks, vol. 1
I responded to a post the other day on a public domain that rhymes with Legs Wrist. It was for a freelance online movie reviewer for a website and it would pay up to $150 per posting. All you needed to do was write to the poster, state your interest, view 30 minutes of free footage, and then submit a review. As an alum of distinguished (chortle, chortle) NYU Tisch’s screenwriting department that...
April 2008
8 posts
Poached Eggs
My mentor tells me that “anxiety breeds success.” What I hear? Egg donation. I’d read about harvesting eggs as a quick way to get money back in New York. Of course, back then, the idea appalled me. I regard the gynecologist as the Bowser to my medical Mario Brothers. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I take care of it when it needs taking care of, but basically if that area isn’t being used for...
Statements Said To Me In A Tone Not Congruent With...
“I’m not firing you.” - Freelance client
Team Building Exercise
I’m examining my skill set and narrowing my job search by applying my naturally negative, fatalist perspective that makes me so lovely to be around. There are many things I cannot and should not do, for money or otherwise. I’m taking regular experiences and shortening my list of possible professional paths. For example, last night I learned from fighting with my boyfriend at a bar...
List of Jobs That I Will Not Have and Why
I might only have $15.00 left in my bank account but I still have enough common sense to know what I cannot do. Trimet Bus Operator Reason: I cannot deal with being asked questions and I’m not very patient. Also, sideview mirrors = target practice. Professional Curler (as in the sport: lead, mate, vice, skip) Reason: Not a big fan of sweeping, not a big fan of rocks. Unless we’re talking about...
Daily Grinding
I am not graceful. I am not adroit, lithe, or a delicate little flower. I was the child running through the screendoor after smacking her chin on a chair leg while eating paste. I have names for my scars the way that meteorologists have names for hurricanes. Among professions that I now know I should not pursue I can pencil “professional skateboarder” at the bottom of the list. Why are you writing...
"Are you hiring?"
I have started applying for jobs at shops where the clerks look beaten or jaundiced. It’s like a lion scoping for sick gazelle. Only gazelle with liprings and coke noses.
Let’s Hope It’s Not Genetic
Let’s Hope It’s Not Genetic. (The racism part, not the successful career part.) I warn you in advance, this post is less funny, more ranty. I swear it will not become a habit. I’m not a fan of soapboxes, unless they store old pornographic magazines. Or soap. The other day I was able to score a potential gig at a non-profit, supported living organization. I would work as an at-home companion to...
"Diabetes Starts Here": Job Searching In Candyland
I am good at taking orders and doing the same thing countless times a day until it’s rote. If that same thing includes pressing a button or saying the same mindless line more times than anyone but Raymond Babbitt can count, so much the better. In honor of my sudden and inexplicable foray into veganism (http://ainsleydrew.blogspot.com/) I decided to look for a job related to the last...
March 2008
4 posts
NDA. PMA. WTF.
I would tell you what I did for work today but then I’d have to kill you. No, seriously, I signed a confidentiality death clause, otherwise known as a non-disclosure agreement. So all I can say is that it was rad, paid very little, but was the equivalent of taking a quadriplegic to a swimming pool in August. Free fajitas at work? Check. Coffee and lunch-break where I was offered margaritas?...
The Oldest Profession
(My brief, half-hearted exploration of a career in sex work via Craigslist.) Ever since I was a young girl, back when Sesame Street wasn’t ironic and Tom Cruise wasn’t batshit insane, I have always thought that there was something that I could fall back on professionally. In part it was the film Risky Business, in part it was the seemingly flippant disregard of the Dinkens’...
Pounding the pavement.
When they say “pounding the pavement” what they don’t tell you is that they mean with your fists in frustration. * Interview Questionnaire - Question #6 What are some of your likes and dislikes? “I like talking to people and making them laugh. Writing, reading obscure graphic novels, and cooking fat-free, dairy-free, meat-free, low-carb food are hobbies of mine. I do not like...
